Trump Accuses Clinton of Masquerading as Chauffeur

Photos Courtesy Of [left] and [right] | Cas Sweeney ’19 reflects on the mysteries of Hillary Clinton’s time as the Trump family chauffeur.

Cas Sweeney ’19
Associate Editor

After James Comey of the FBI denied any evidence of Obama wiretapping Trump Tower on March 20, many people believed that this would put an end to the conflict between Trump and the previous administration. However, the next day Trump made an unofficial statement on Twitter bringing to the forefront another controversy.

On March 22, Trump said on his Twitter, “caught sore loser Hillary Clinton pretending to be my son’s driver! Democrats still trying to sabotage the best winning president! Me!” much to everyone’s confusion.

The next day, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer held a press conference on the issue. He said that the Secret Service had caught Clinton impersonating Trump’s chauffeur that was responsible for driving his son to school. She was caught after dropping him off at Trump Tower by a Secret Service agent that met the car at the door.

When the press asked what Clinton had done with the original chauffeur, Spicer became belligerent, repeating that Clinton was the chauffeur and that the fact that the press did not understand this was “what’s wrong with the liberal mainstream media.” The Breitbart reporter present then started to chant “stupid media” while Spicer nodded along.

Independent investigation by The New York Times revealed that, despite many people’s initial assumption, Hillary Clinton had not replaced Trump’s chauffeur, but instead was hired as Trump’s chauffeur two months before. She was hired by an unnamed staff member and managed to avoid detection for two months by attaching a “Lock Her Up” bumper sticker to the back of her car.

When interviewed, the other chauffeurs said they never would have guessed that their coworker was former Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton. James Riley, who worked closely with Clinton at Trump Tower, said to The Washington Post, “She seemed so real, you know? I always thought Hillary Clinton was a fake person the Democrats found to thwart Trump’s campaign. I was really surprised to find out she still exists.”

Many people are accusing Clinton of having nefarious motives. There is a consensus from Republican senators that Clinton never should have involved Trump’s son in her opposition to Trump’s presidency. Many Democrats also expressed dismay at Clinton’s actions, saying that she should be focusing more on the effort to block the Border Wall than infiltrating Trump Tower.

However, the strange thing is that no one seems to know exactly what Clinton has in mind, or why she has taken to being Trump’s chauffeur. Is she attempting to find evidence that might lead to Trump’s impeachment? Is she attempting to force Melania to move to the White House by compromising Trump Tower’s security? Is she trying to sway Barron Trump to her point of view while driving him to school? Has she decided that becoming a chauffeur is a good career move?

I cannot answer any of these questions, and though many people are speculating, no one will have answers until more investigation is done. Comey made a statement on March 24 saying that the FBI plans to investigate this matter very publicly, at which point Clinton will probably be cleared of any wrong doing.

For now, I am willing to say that I believe Clinton has not crossed a moral line. We do not know how much influence she has had on Barron Trump, but she has not done anything outside the lines of a chauffeur’s traditional job. I believe that Clinton has a right to be hired as a chauffeur and communicate with the Trumps. After all, Clinton has a right to free speech, and will continue to have the right until the Trump administration finishes its transition into a fascist power.

I also believe that ultimately Trump is to blame for this happening. If Melania and Barron were not still living in New York City, Clinton would not have been able to infiltrate their lives so easily. I wonder where this will take us next. Perhaps Mar-a-Lago.

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