Tim Cook – How to Shock The World Through An Hour-long Keynote

Sophia Zhu ’18
Opinions Editor

On March 21, the latest Apple Event received a great amount of attention from people all over the world. No one could wait to witness the historic event that would reveal brand-new, revolutionary innovations in the field of information technology. To meet such high expectations, it is no doubt extremely hard to still surprise the worldwide audience, but Tim Cook did it! The 2016 Apple Event proved to be the most successful one so far, which deeply impressed everyone and left the world in shock.

Since most attendees and viewers were expecting a new edition of the iPhone, Cook showed his strong commitment to surprising the audience by offering a completely “derivative” one – iPhone Still Expensive (SE), which is basically a iPhone 5 with the same configuration as iPhone 6s except the feature of 3-D touch that simply failed to make its way into our newest member of the iPhone family. In a global trend of making the screens of our mobile phones larger and larger, how can a new product be more surprising than an iPhone reverting to the former, smaller size? The reason behind this atavism, however, is not so surprising: after all, Mr. Would-Be president needs to have everything he wants, and a smaller phone that fits his hand is first and foremost a necessity.

The other smaller device is the 9.7-inch iPad Pro 2. For the first time, the iPad successfully inherits iPhone’s camera bump. But who cares? This is certainly a brilliant, ground-breaking innovation. Finally you have something of the maximum size that you can hold with a single hand while lying on your bed without dropping it right on your face. It even comes with a Apple Pencil – probably the only thing worth buying this year.

If you considered the Apple Event to be just a commercial presentation, you could not be more wrong. After this hour-long keynote, you must feel that you have taken Medicine 101 through the super informative, 11-minute introduction of CareKit, as well as Business 101, that elaborates how to hold a clearance sale on iPhone 5 and iPad Air 2 that are piling up at warehouses by changing their names to iPhone SE and iPad Pro 2.

But if you still expected to have something new, you will certainly not be disappointed! Look, Cook proudly announced, we now have new Apple Watch Bands! They are even available with many funky color choices, and they are getting cheaper. Yes, you heard it right. Apple offers a price cut – the best news of the year that moved every honest consumer to tears.

No doubt the biggest surprise in the Apple Event is Liam – the overdue natural enemy of iPhones. It can efficiently and methodically dismantle old iPhones as a key step of recycling. Apple fans – together with scared old iPhones, which have had nightmares ever since – are eage to preorder one, but rather disappointingly, it seems Apple has not yet prepared itself to expose this top secret to the public. Clearly Liam is the true protagonist in this Apple Event with all the other appliances as deceiving cover-ups.

The final surprise was embedded in Cook’s concluding remark as he said, “This is probably the last product announcement in this town hall.” While the audience was probably expecting him to say that Apple was going bankrupt, he announced that Apple would move into the new “Spaceship” headquarter. Cheers of pure excitement for this legendary decision broke out in the conference room as it finally came to an end.

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