The Millennial Spook: What Really Keeps Us Up at Night

Photo courtesy of crobr on imgur.com | Student loans are among a myriad of Millennial fears.

Photo courtesy of crobr on imgur.com | Student loans are among a myriad of Millennial fears.

 

Sarah Lopez ’17
Contributing Writer

The Halloween season brings a variety of supposedly “scary” things. Instead of unpacking the ableist themes that are a traditional hallmark of haunted houses or the culturally appropriative costumes that rise from the deep, I think it’s time to look at what millennials truly find scary.

1. Making phone calls: Making phone calls to people you don’t know is terrifying. What if they mistake you for a kid? What if they don’t get your joke or there is an awkward silence? No, thank you.

2. Feelings: They are painful and confusing. Besides, they distract from schoolwork.

3. Student loans: Going to college isn’t cheap. Attending Smith is even less cheap. The fear of not getting a job that allows one to live comfortably and pay off debt is enough to frighten anyone.

4. The typing bubble: The anticipation of that next text can be difficult, especially if it’s in response to a risky message.

5. Visiting restaurants for the first time: Do you order and then sit down? Is there a waiter? Do you pay at the table or go up to a register? All in all, there are too many ways to make a fool of yourself.

6. The corporate jungle: Sitting in a cubicle from nine to five, fluorescent lighting, networking. Ugh.

While it’s easy to laugh these fears off during the daytime, come nightfall, these things strike terror into the very souls of this generation. So next Halloween, reconsider your haunted hospital theme and try out a new theme: the terror of the 21st century.

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One Comment

  1. Please tell me this is satire.

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