Smithie Injures Three Walking to Class, Faulted For Not Looking Up From Phone

Nora Turriago’16
Staff Writer

This Monday, Sasha Lewpie ’16 walked to her 10:30 a.m. class in Seelye, as she does twice a week. However, her walk took a turn for the worst as she collided into three Smith- ies, giving them injuries ranging from a broken arm to a bruised hip. According to Lewpie, her phone is to blame for the hazardous mishap.

“I always check my phone when walking to class,” she said. “It’s so easy to get pulled in – I didn’t even realize what was happening!”

The three injured Smithies – Hannah McIn- tosh ’19, Sofia Gonzalez ’17 and Patti Pritz ’17 – are currently recuperating at Cooley Dickin- son Hospital. In an ironic twist, the three were also on their phones at the time of the incident.

“I just wanted to check how many likes I got in Instagram!” McIntosh said from her hospital bed, sporting a black eye. “Before I know it, I’m on the ground. I don’t even know how it happened. Turns out I got 40 likes though. Not my best.”

Unfortunately, there were no witnesses to the collision, as every single Smithie walking to class at that time was also on her phone. Security cameras installed in the trees, however, were able to provide valuable footage.

According to Head of Campus Police Jean Geanie, the footage depicts Lewpie repeatedly walking into and banging up against McIntosh, Gonzalez and Pritz. Though the Smithies never look up from the glare of the phone screens, their bodies continue to push against each other.

“It was a very troubling tape,” Geanie said. “I had difficulty watching it. None of the girls made eye contact with the other – yet they still managed to have this … altercation.”

For the injured Smithies, there are no hard feelings.

“I just want my arm to heal so I can take selfies again,” Gonzalez said, resting at Cooley Dickinson, her arm in a cast. “Do you know if anyone got a video of it? We could submit it to one of those funniest videos contests.”

Lewpie will not face charges. When asked if she will stop walking with her phone, Lew- pie laughed. “Yeah right! If I’m getting publicity just because of this little incident, imagine what could happen if I start using my computer while walking to class. At this rate, I’ll be famous!”

This disturbing incident indicates that Smithies have no intentions of looking up from their phones anytime soon. Walkers, beware.

 

 

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