Horoscopes: April Fools’ Edition

Aries

Make sure to watch where you step this week. Watch closely.

Taurus

Good things are coming your way. Good things are walking right up to you and saying hello. Good things are wondering why you don’t recognize them. Good things are saying, “we had that yoga class together last semester, remember?”

Gemini

Your professor will come up to you tomorrow and compliment your essay on Ancient Sigils. “What essay?” you will wonder. Do NOT question it.

Cancer

Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. More. More. Let it all out and float away.

Leo

Take some time for yourself this week. After all, you’ve done a lot. You are tired. You are so, so tired. You don’t quite remember what made you so tired. Take a nap.

Virgo

This week will hold some great new opportunities. Seize them. Hold them tightly as they try to wiggle away. Do not let them escape.

Libra

You will meet the love of your life in the King-Scales dining hall Saturday at 5:48 p.m. Your hands will brush as you reach for the salad tongs. You will feel a spark. Nothing will ever be the same.

Scorpio

Step outside of your routine this week. Step outside of your comfort zone. Step outside of anything you have ever known. Step out. Step out.

Sagittarius

Run.

Capricorn

This is a good week for making new friends. Start a conversation with someone you don’t know. Accept their invite to a cool, secret event. Follow them to a club you’ve never been to before. Listen to the murmuring chants in an ancient language you do not understand. Forget your name. Forget you ever knew your name.

Aquarius

You will have good luck this week. Take a risk you’ve wanted to take. Take another one. Continue winning. Emboldened by your success, risk it all. Lose everything.

Pisces

Be open to new things in your life. Trust me. You will be fine. Trust me.

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