Julia Xia ’19
On Monday morning, the ringing of bells in Wilson House signaled the start of Picnic Day. This classic Smith College tradition celebrates the first official day of spring; on this day, all classes are cancelled and students are encouraged to throw their own outdoor picnic parties.
President McCartney’s decision to declare Picnic Day was a belated one that followed a series of protests by irate, overworked students.
Outside the President’s house every night last week, students chanted slogans and waved red-and-white checkered picnic blankets. Many expressed outrage over the President’s indecision and silence.
President McCartney later defended herself to The Sophian at a press conference in College Hall. “It’s a delicate process, okay?” she said. “One does not simply choose a day using any old arbitrary standard.”
The methods employed by the President in selecting the date of this precious annual holiday are top secret. However, on Feb. 2 every year, she can be seen wandering around her backyard in a confused state. Students speculate that she is struggling to determine whether or not she can spot her own shadow.
The administration has not confirmed any rumors that President McCartney is a groundhog.
When Picnic Day finally arrived, Smith students dashed outside in their sneakers and sandals, only to find themselves standing knee- deep in freshly fallen snow. Students living on the fourth floor of Wilson House, closest to the massive reverberating bells, were the last to make their way outdoors. As they were stunned by the incredible noise, it is a miracle they made it outside at all.
Pandemonium reigned across campus as students stumbled around in weather-inappropriate attire. The residents at Cutter-Ziskind and Comstock-Wilder made halfhearted attempts at a snowball fight in their respective courtyards.
“It was terrible,” wailed Jennifer Moran ’19. “I was looking forward to enjoying the sunshine and having lunch with my friends by Paradise Pond. Now, I guess we’ll have to build a snowman instead.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad,” added the student’s friend, Jasmine Pacheco ’19, “if I hadn’t left my gloves, snow boots, and winter coat at home over the spring break.” Pacheco has since made an urgent appointment with Health Services due to her extensive frostbite.
The Campus Police is unsure of the extent of backlash President McCartney will face for her disastrous mistake.