An Exclusive Guide to the Crying Hot Spots on Campus

Laura Green ‘18
Arts Editor

If you’re reading this, you’re probably in the throes of midterms, which somehow extend from the third week of classes to the tenth. You’ve probably done your fair share of crying by this point. Everyone needs a good cry at some point. As a junior, I’ve had plenty of time to test all of the best places to cry on campus, and I am here to get you through this difficult time.

While your roommate is sleeping

There’s nothing quite like curling up under the covers and having to muffle the sobs, so you don’t wake up your roommate. Pull yourself into the fetal position as you think to yourself, “This is what college is all about.” As you realize you have a chemistry test, two projects, 400 pages to read and a quiz this week, listen to the calm breathing of your roommate. It proves a nice juxtaposition to your own ragged breaths. Pro tip: squish your face into your pillow as you cry. Not only does it quiet the sound, but it’ll add some comfort to your eternal suffering.   

In your professor’s office

Find the professor you respect most, the one whose class you work the hardest in just to get their approval. Now, go to their office hours and cry your eyes out. There are two approaches to this: 1) Wait until they say something even remotely kind (for example, “I liked the title of your paper”) and quickly go from a single tear rolling down your cheek to hysterics. Through your sobs, tell them you want to be them when you grow up. 2) The moment your professor says hello, break down into uncontrollable tears. Relay every single one of your problems, from your fear of failing their class to the fact that your plant died because you neglected it. Bonus: you’ll probably get an extension because your professor feels so uncomfortable.

Neilson Arch

Neilson Arch is the perfect spot to go when you need a little help getting started on your cry. Sit on the cold, hard brick and look around at the strange neon lights. You’ll start thinking about how the Arch doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the campus, just like you feel you’ve never fit in your family. Then, you’ll think about how this place will be gone in a year, which inevitably will get you contemplating the impermanence of it all. Once you start to wonder whether anything you do matters, you’ll be well on your way to heaving sobs.

In the dining hall

Nothing will make you more homesick than the dining hall. As you scoop pasta out of a chafing dish, instead of your mom’s pan, you’ll be reminded about the way your cat likes to eat at the same time as you. Then you’ll think about your dog’s cute little face as he begs for food. Soon, you’ll be calling your parents and crying over your garlic bread. Then, you’ll be crying about how you’ve ruined the garlic bread, and you can’t get a new piece because it’s 6:30 p.m., and they’ve taken the food away. Don’t be ashamed of your tears as people look at you with pity and horror. It’s not college if you haven’t cried in public.

Now get out there and start crying!

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